Sailor Martin

THE BLOG

2009-01-18T08:54:00.001-08:00

SONG: JOLIE MARIE'S STOCKING

2009-01-01T09:58:00.000-08:00

AT SOME POINT, it occurred to me that the same process used to create Sailor Martin's movies might also be used to create music. Just as I take an old movie that is in the public domain and simply edit Sailor Martin in, creating a new narrative, I might take some instrumental recordings that are in the public domain and simply have Sailor Martin sing over them. Here is my first attempt, a song called "Jolie Marie's Stocking," which tells of the pleasure our intrepid sailor takes in wearing silk stockings while at sea.

The original recording is "Second Hand Rose," by the Broadway Dance Orchestra, recorded in 1921 for Edison Diamond Disc. The singing was recorded on a digital camera, if you can believe it -- my Kodak z730 set to record digital video. The singing was then exported from the digital video and converted to an AIFF using Quicktime Pro, and then added to the original instrumental tracks using Garage Band. The lyrics are as follows:

Jolie Marie's Stocking

There was once a French girl
Named Jolie Marie
Each and every sailor
Dreamed of her at sea
Some men they had pictures
And some a lock of hair
But I had Marie's stockings
And I wore them everywhere
There are times upon the seas
When a pair of stocking sure do please

Jolie Marie's stockings
What pleasure they brings
Lonely sailors they sings
Jolie Marie's stockings
On the berth deck or the bilge they're always in style
Flash some silk beneath your kilt and smile awhile

Jolie Marie's stockings
Jolie Marie's stockings
Reminds a lonely sailor of Paris
The perfumes and the kisses and the sighs -- oh my
The flirting and the winking of the eyes -- those eyes
Jolie Marie's stockings
Makes me think of those things
And I look so good in silk

Anything she puts in her mouth
She just spits it right back out
Anything she puts in her mouth
She just spits it right back out
She say it serves me right
If I drink she will trollop about
Anything she puts in her mouth
She will spit that darn thing out

Jolie Marie's stockings
What pleasure they brings
Lonely sailors they sings
Jolie Marie's stockings
On the berth deck or the bilge they're always in style
Flash some silk beneath your kilt and smile awhile

Jolie Marie's stockings
Jolie Marie's stockings
Reminds a lonely sailor of Paris
The perfumes and the kisses and the sighs -- oh my
The flirting and the winking of the eyes -- those eyes
Jolie Marie's stockings
Makes me think of those things
And I look so good in silk

LISTEN TO "JOLIE MARI'S STOCKING":

Download "Jolie Marie's Stocking" as an MP3.

SONG: THE EDINA SCREAMER

2009-01-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

HERE IS an oddity, even in the world of Sailor Martin, where everything is an oddity. On the Webpage I edit, MnSpeak, there got to be a discussion concerning the creation of a MnSpeak cocktail. As it typical on MnSpeak, the conversation involved a number of in-jokes, including a recurring joke that soccer moms from the Minneapolis suburbs of Edina are particularly noisy in bed. A MnSpeak regular named Sheila wrote a short poem about the creation of a cocktail called the Edina Screamer, and someone suggested that Sailor Martin should convert the poem into a song. What follows is the result of that discussion.

"THE EDINA SCREAMER" LYRICS

One shot tequila
One shot rum
pat her, pat her, pat her
on the bum

some grapefruit juice
and seven up
mix it, mix it, mix it
in a plastic cup

with ice
tell her she's real nice

tell her you like her hair
tell her she's light as air
get a sitter for the night
and turn off the lights

LISTEN TO "THE EDINA SCREAMER":

Download an MP3 of the "Edina Screamer."

THE SONGS OF SAILOR MARTIN

2009-01-01T09:28:00.000-08:00

(A GLASS OF) CHRISTMAS CHEER: Sailor Martin sings his version of a Christmas song, which involves drunken debauchery.

ARAM'S CONCUBINES: Sailor Martin battled a lusty sheik in a foreign harem.

THE EDINA SCREAMER: Sailor Martin introduces a new cocktail, based around the sexual behavior of middle aged women in a Minneapolis suburb.

JOLIE MARIE'S STOCKINGS: Sailor Martin sings of a French girl and a gift she gives him to remember her at sea.

LITTLE EGYPT: Sailor Martin sings of an exotic dancer from the Middle East.

SAILOR MARTIN'S SHIPWRECKED SONG: Sailor Martin washes up a beach where tiny and possibly edible people come to his rescue.

A SAILOR MARTIN SONG FOR CHILDREN: Sailor Martin attempts, and fails at, recording a song for children about pretty birds and fuzzy rabbits.

THE SONG OF SAILOR MARTIN: Sailor Martin's theme song, telling of a island hut, a bottle of rum, and some naughty stories.

A ST. PAUL CHRISTMAS: A melancholy Christmas song from a lonely sailor far from the sea but close to the saloon.

SONG: ARAM'S CONCUBINES

2009-01-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

A HASH SONG by Sailor Martin that ends up being a convoluted and inadvertently homoerotic parable about a scimitar battle in an Arabian harem.

The original recording is "The Young Rajah," by Kaplan's Melodists, recorded in 1923 for Edison Diamond Disc. Lyrics and Sailor Martin's singing voice by yours truly. The singing was recorded on a Kodak z730 digital camera set to record digital video. The soundtrack was then removed and converted to an AIFF using Quicktime Pro, and then added to the original instrumental tracks using Garage Band. The lyrics are as follows:

Aram's Concubines

Old legends tell us of a city called Aram
I traveled camelback to the sheik's harem
The sheik he caught me with his favorite concubine
Favorite concubine
Wed when she was nine

An Arab potentate
Named Abdul the great
I had made him quite irate
Oh stupid me
He was calling for my head
Or for other parts instead
He drew his scimitar on me

He said, you see how long and cruel
it is, this killing tool
This rapier will impale you, ear to rear

While brandishing his tool
The potentate Abdul
He declared I was a fool
And we should fight
But his temper it grew cooler
I was longer and was crueler
I drew my scimitar on him

He said, I see you have a blade
the sort for which I've often prayed
Your machete is an awesome display

The sheik he spun then like a dervish in the sand
There would be fluids spilt on foreign land
Our blades would lock and we would battle until death
Battle until death
Until we drew our mortal breath

Our hands upon our lances
We parry and we dances
We retreat and advances
Before the sheik's harem
They watch each deadly lunge
And cheer each killing plunge
I thrust my scimitar into him

He said Alas, against your lance
Sheik Abdul stood no chance
I succumb and to you I give my harem

And now each night I procreate
I am the potentate
Aram's best concubines
Are mine -- all mine

LISTEN TO "ARAM'S CONCUBINES":

Download an MP3 of "Aram's Concubines.

SONG: A GLASS OF CHRISTMAS CHEER

2009-01-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

A CHRISTMAS DRINKING SONG by Sailor Martin, who apparently has mistaken Yule for a time of alcoholism and vice.

The original recording is Cecil Macklin's "Too Much Mustard," recorded by Charles Prince's Band in February of 1913. Lyrics and Sailor Martin's singing voice by yours truly. The singing was recorded on a Kodak z730 digital camera set to record digital video. The soundtrack was then removed and converted to an AIFF using Quicktime Pro, and then added to the original instrumental tracks using Garage Band. The Lyrics are as follows:

(A Glass of) Christmas Cheer

Here it is its Christmas Eve
Buy me a bottle of pocheen
Black Bush or the Tullamore Dew
I'll drink until I'm obscene
Get me then some buttered rum
Let's drink until we're real mean
Find me then at Christmas end
Unconscious in the latrine

Rum tum tum
Oh play those Christmas drums
I will be marching
When I'm not falling down again
Let's have some Christmas cheer
C'mon mate pass it here
If you're not drinking
Then you're no kind of friend

Bring out the steins, mate
Fill them with ale
then we'll hoist up a toast and a wassail

Mix me up some Christmas nog
And we soon shall feel no pain
Claret for boys and port for men
And brandy 'til I'm insane
Lay me near the Christmas creche
The infant will not complain
Wake me up on New Years eve
To pour a glass of champagne

Tip-a tip-a tip-a tip
Drink some rum, drink some rum
Tip-a tip-a tip-a tip
Vodka wine and gin, mate
With a drip and a drip and a drip and a drip
Drink some rum Drink some rum
With a drip and a drip and a Drip and a drip
It's not a Christmas without sin, mate

Pour me out a Christmas draft
Keep pouring until I'm done, lad
You'll know it when I'm on the floor
My trousers half undone, lad
Roll me under the tannenbaum
Out of reach of the sun, lad
If I groan pour me another glass
If I don't groan pour none, lad

Rum tum tum
Oh play those Christmas drums
I will be marching
When I'm not falling down again
Let's have some Christmas cheer
C'mon mate pass it here
If you're not drinking
Then you're no kind of friend

Bring out the steins, mate
Fill them with ale
then we'll hoist up a toast and a wassail

One drink for each Christmas night
It's twelve drinks or it's bust, boy
Let's raise our glass to old saint Nick
We toast him 'cause we must boy
Then follow me to Ramcat way
You trust me, don't you trust, boy
There's ladies there in stockings bare
To satisfy our lust boy

Tip-a tip-a tip-a tip
Drink some rum, drink some rum
Tip-a tip-a tip-a tip
Vodka wine and gin, mate
With a drip and a drip and a drip and a drip
Drink some rum Drink some rum
With a drip and a drip and a Drip and a drip
It's not a Christmas without sin, mate

We've drunk down to our bottom dime
Well let's go beg some more, chum
Yule is time for charity
So put your hat upon the floor, chum
You be blind and I'll be deaf
And we're veterans of the war, chum
We'll beg enough for a cheap bottle
It's 20 cents a pour, chum

Rum tum tum
Oh play those Christmas drums
I will be marching
When I'm not falling down again
Let's have some Christmas cheer
C'mon mate pass it here
If you're not drinking
Then you're no kind of friend

Bring out the steins, mate
Fill them with ale
then we'll hoist up a toast and a wassail

Here it is its Christmas Eve
Buy me a bottle of pocheen
Black Bush or the Tullamore Dew
I'll drink until I'm obscene
Get me then some buttered rum
Let's drink until we're real mean
Find me then at Christmas end
Unconscious in the latrine

LISTEN TO "A GLASS OF CHRISTMAS CHEER":

Download "(A Glass of) Christmas Cheer" as an MP3.

ABOUT SAILOR MARTIN

2009-01-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

SAILOR MARTIN is a bawdy, hard-drinking, hard-living ventriloquist dummy styled after tattooed sideshow wild men (such as Omi the Great). Sailor Martin was originally designed by vent figure-maker Dan Payes and purchased by myself in 2005, when I repainted him with Sailor Jerry tattoos and began to act as his puppeteer.

Sailor Martin takes his named from a character in William Lindsay Gresham's novel Nightmare Alley. He appeared on the streets of New Orleans in 2005, telling dirty jokes to passers-by in the French Quarter. Here he also had occasion to open for Bustout Burlesque, telling obscene tales from the stage while dancing girls slipped into their pasties and g-strings backstage. Sailor Martin was left behind in New Orleans in the chaos following Hurricane Katrina, but was recovered, unharmed, some months later. He now resides in Minneapolis, Minnesota.